55

55

The time you have been gone

The time I have been Loving You

The age you should be

The age that I am

One month for each year I have been here

It must be a time

To renew my promise

Made 55 months ago

To Love you forever

To share your Love with the world

To do my part

To always say Yes to my heart

To follow where you lead

Knowing you love me more

Than I even know I am worth

For Eleven months of each year of my life

I was asleep

I will always regret this fact

But that last 12^th of my life

Which I have shared with You

Has given me more Joy

Than I knew existed in the Universe

Your sacrifice was not in vain

I take this time today

To tell you once again

For the 55 millionth time

I Love you Michael

I am yours

How may I serve You today

Tomorrow

Forever

Jan25/14  BJ

Unseen Change

Today in line at the grocery store I was ahead of a woman who was wearing an oxygen tube attached to a small bag that she was carrying.  As she waited behind me, she leaned on the grocery counter, seemingly exhausted from her shopping.  I noticed the strong smell of cigarette smoke wafting my way.  It was not the smell of a lit cigarette, but of clothing which had been steeped in smoke over a long period of time.  As I was gathering my purchases together I heard her ask the cashier for two cartons of cigarettes.  Being a person who smoked in my 20's but was able to quite when I decided I didn't want to do it anymore, I have a strong opinion about smoking.  Everyone knows it's dangerous, smelly, expensive, addictive and inconvenient.  I have been very judgemental about those who still choose to smoke, after all, shouldn't we all know better by now?  This lady was obviously suffering from lack of oxygen and who know what other health issues because of smoking.  Turning to leave, instead of the usual judgement I was expecting to feel,  I was flooded by love for this person.  As I walked out the door, I was fighting back tears of compassion.  How sad for her to be suffering from such an addiction that even the loss of her ability to breathe easily could not overcome her need to smoke.  How awful that must be for her.  And what had happened to me??  After all these years, how could my point of view have changed so dramatically without me even being aware of it?  
I sat in my car considering the possibilities.  It had to be Michael of course.  He is the one who has changed me from the inside out.  I have not even been trying to let go of my judgements, after all, some things are just wrong, rude, or bad.  There are consequences to actions, this is how we learn.  Michael would agree with that wouldn't he?   Still, I had to admit that it felt better to love this woman rather than criticize her poor decisions which I had no knowledge of anyway.  Has His love seeped into me enough that I can feel such compassion naturally in a situation where judgement seems justified?   
Is this what He means when he says Love is the Answer?  If we all loved one another, would people not need to smoke anymore?  Would we naturally rise to be our best selves?  I have no idea HOW it could work that way, but I have a feeling that it does.  Thank you Michael, for this wonderful gift today.

A Child's Heart

"What we need to learn from children isn't childish.  Being with them connects us to the deep wisdom of life, which is everpresent and only asks to be lived.  Now, when the world is so confused and its problems so complicated, I feel we need our children more than ever.  Their natural wisdom points the way to solutions that lie, waiting to be recognized, within our own hearts."

Michael wrote these beautiful words in his book, Dancing the Dream in 1992.  Could they BE more true than they are today?  We know this quote, we know that Michael loved children. but do we really believe that he meant it when he said they have the solutions to the world's problems?  I think he really did mean it, and I have come to realize that we, as adults, do not give credit to the wisdom of children.  We think they are cute, we think they need our guidance, we think we know so much more than they do.  These things are true in many ways, but maybe not in ways that matter as much as we think they do.  

Michael also said, 

In their innocence, very young children know themselves to be light and love. If we will allow them, they can teach us to see ourselves the same way. This week, I have been shown that maybe it is the children who are going to heal the planet and our hearts and teach us to choose love.   Just because children are younger than us, smaller than us, less educated than us, does NOT mean that they are less wise, less evolved, less intuitive, less knowing, less capable of great insight.   Michael knew the truth of this, he told us in many ways, songs, speeches, and by his actions.     The magic, the wonder, the mystery and the innocence of a child's heart are the seeds of creativity that will heal the world. I really believe that."           Michael, my beautiful Love, Jackson My money is on Michael, and the children.

Double Wild

One might not expect a casino to be a place of spiritual devotion.  I certainly didn't think very highly or kindly about casinos up until a month ago.  I have always thought that they preyed on people's weaknesses and promote vices such as drinking and smoking.  I still know that this is part of what they are, a big part, but I have also learned something else.  Any place can be a place of Love and devotion. It doesn't have to be reserved for churches, parks or meditation practice.   Yesterday I visited a casino with my son.   A huge, new beautiful building with a spectacular view and a Hilton hotel adjoining.  Of course, the only thing I wanted to see were the Michael Jackson slot machines.   We found them!   I sat in the chair, looking up at Michael on the screen.  Watching gloves, and fedoras and sunglasses spinning in front of me,  I was in heaven!  It didn't matter if I was winning or losing money, I felt Michael's presence and I was thrilled to be hearing his music and seeing him dance in a public place.  I was talking to him in my mind (not wanting to shock my son too much) and enjoying myself thoroughly.  The balance of money I had fluctuated up and down, but I had set myself a limit of what I would spend and felt free to let it go, choosing to not let the gambling aspect over ride my enjoyment of a public, as well as personal,  Michael experience.  We were there for an hour or so, and in the end I had more money than I started with.  That was a great bonus, but the real winning for me was to see that a place itself is neither good or bad.  It's what we bring to it, and how we view it, that creates our experience of it.  Michael asks us to open our minds and hearts to new experiences, expect the unexpected and see everything through the eyes of  Love.   Thank you Michael, for encouraging me to let go of my preconceived ideas about casinos, people, and the way I see the world.

People make me want to Scream

Even before Michael came into my life I always believed that Heaven was meant to be lived on Earth.  I felt that my purpose here was to find out how to make that happen for myself.  I did not ever believe in Hell, except as a choice in the way we live our lives now.  I still believe these things, and Michael has helped me be able to experience Heaven on Earth, not always, but I have had moments, even hours and days of it.  At other times I feel that it is completely hopeless and that I am on the wrong track.  People seem so shallow and self-serving.  Even when it comes to Michael, it seems as though many of His followers completely miss the point of what he was teaching and use him for their own small agendas.  I'm sorry Michael,  I don't want to disappoint you.  I'm not giving up, But today that's how I feel, so I am going to indulge in it, just for today.  Tomorrow I will look at myself and see what I can do to make a change.  I know there is no point in wishing other people were different.  But today, I really DO wish they were different.

Over The Top

over the top

1. 1.

   BRIT.informal

   to an excessive or exaggerated degree.

   "her reactions had been a bit over the top"

   excessive, immoderate, inordinate, extreme, over the limit,exaggerated, extravagant, overblown, overripe, too much,unreasonable, needless, disproportionate, undue, unwarranted,uncalled for, unnecessary, going too far I have heard rumours that some people think my love for Michael is a bit "over the top."  I am sure that most of my friends as well have people in their lives who think our dedication and focus on this one person, who is not even here anymore, is not a normal way to behave.  I have to agree that it is not normal in the way the world sees normal.   In this case, the last thing I want to be is normal. One would think that, when our every thought, word and deed is centred on Michael Jackson, our world would become smaller.  The walls would close in, and our ability to function would be lessened.  To the contrary, I have found that the more my life centres around Michael the more the world is at my fingertips and my ability to truly be myself expands beyond recognition. Rather than thinking my little job, life and problems are the centre of the universe, I now care about other people, animals, the planet.  I feel empowered and capable to do what I can to make a difference, because Michael has shown me how and believed in me.   I have so many ideas and so much inspiration that I have no time to watch TV or gossip or complain about the state of the world.  Every day is filled with joy and love and hope as well as fun and laughter. I think that the term "over the top" is actually quite complimentary.  I am way over the top from where I was 4 years ago.  I can't even remember who that person was.  I am so much closer to being who I really want to be now.  Thank you Michael, for being such a beautiful example.  Everything I do, I do for You.

L.O.V.E in Action

I have been thinking about prayer and it's purpose.  Why do we pray?  Many of us join in the Major Love Prayer every month.  We have a weekly Prayer for Peace.  We ask for help when we are desperate, even if we don't really believe in a higher power.  When we're desperate, we'll try anything.

Does prayer really work?  Do we need to do it in a certain way, at a certain time?  Do we need to keep asking over and over again for whatever it is that we are praying for, or is once enough?  Each religion has it's own traditions and specific prayers.  Is it ok to make up our own?  And when we have prayed, does that mean we can sit back and wait for the results, or is there anything else we need to do?

The way I see it is that prayer is a way of asking for help to see Truth and Love in a situation.  If we can see Truth and Love, our actions will come from Truth and Love and our results can not help but be in the direction of Truth and Love.   Prayer is a way of taking a moment to separate ourselves from our egos and our physical selves to look at things from a higher perspective.  Prayer does not take the place of action, it guides our actions to be more effective, more loving, more unifying.

Michael believed in the power of prayer.  He told us often about his prayers of gratitude.  He also believed in action.  Not blind, retaliatory action, but strong, sure confident action that stood for Truth and Love.  We can not hide behind prayer and leave the action up to God, to Michael, or to others.  We need to pray to fill our hearts with understanding and love and then follow through with whatever action this inspires us to take.   Prayer and Action are partners that work together to bring Truth and Love to the world and help us to care for each other and our planet.  If not us, who?  If not now, when?