ABC

Earlier this week, I was feeling stuck. I was having doubts about my next steps, getting worried and afraid, thinking I had to figure it all out myself. The beautiful feeling of Joy in my heart, which had been my constant companion over the last year, had faded. It seemed as though I was all alone.

Then I remembered the promise I made to myself and Michael, a year and a half ago, that I would always say yes to my heart and not hold back, no matter what.

I decided I would have to step through my fears somehow. I imagined this would involve some deep soul searching, meditation, contemplation, as well as plenty of time and effort. I asked God and Michael to please help, and went to sleep.

Sometime during the night, I woke up with the song ABC playing in my head. I always have Michael’s music in my head and I don’t always pay much attention, but this time I took note of it, thinking that it was not much of a message, and went back to sleep. In the morning I had the song Enjoy Yourself playing in my mind. This also seemed important somehow, so I went to my computer to remind myself of the words to these two songs.

You went to school to learn girl


Things you never, never knew before


Like "I" before "E" except after "C"


And why 2 plus 2 makes 4


Now, now, now 
I'm gonna teach you


Teach you, teach you


All about love girl


All about love


Sit yourself down, take a seat


All you gotta do is repeat after me

A B C


It's easy as, 1 2 3


As simple as, do re mi


A B C, 1 2 3 
Baby, you and me girl

Hmmm, a song that I had never thought of as having a message of any serious consequence, suddenly seemed to have a lot of meaning. Is Michael saying we are here to learn about love, and he can show us the way? It seems pretty clear, as easy as ABC.

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself

Enjoy yourself with me

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself

Enjoy yourself with me

Better enjoy yourself

Better enjoy yourself

You sittin' over there starin' in space a-while

People are dancin', dancin' all over the place

But you shouldn't worry about things that cha can't control

A-come on girl while the night is young

Why don't she let, let yourself go woo

Let's have some fun

Let's have a good time you an' me

Sittin' there wit-cha mouth poked out

Just as sweet as you can be

Why don't-cha live, live the life you got

Come on girl let's git it while the music's runnin' hot woo

So it is not only easy, but it should also be fun! Obviously, I had been taking myself too seriously. I am not sure where this will lead me, but I do know that I am no longer afraid. Once again, Michael has answered my prayers with a perfect, clear and comforting message of L.O.V.E.

The Ultimate Square Peg

It seems to be a well known fact that Michael was a lonely person. He had to be separated from his fans, for his protection and theirs. He didn't know which people he could trust, and which ones only wanted something from him. The people who saw him the most, were often those who were paid to do a job for him.

At the same time, there were a lot of people who loved him. Musicians, actors, bodyguards, children by the dozens, artists, dancers, families such as the Cascio's who he could be himself with. His mother, children, nieces and nephews. Why was he so lonely? He was not lacking human contact or social stimulation.

Maybe it was more than just his celebrity and eccentricities that made him feel lonely. Maybe it was that he just didn't fit into this world. Truly a square peg in a round hole. Can you imagine having music channelling through your head from the time you were a child. Can you imagine seeing people as the souls they truly are underneath the outward facade. Can you imagine seeing everything in a totally different way than everyone on the planet, except children, who are not taken seriously anyway. No wonder he wanted to be Peter Pan. He was Peter Pan.

Add to this, the interesting twist that you yourself are two different people, and the person everyone thinks you are, is not the person you really are. It's enough to make you want to build yourself a big safe haven of love. Somewhere to let yourself be free to just be.

Michael, we really do understand. We love you. We can see the real you shining through, impossible to conceal. And you have shown us how to be the real us. To think outside the box. It's hard for us to rise to your level, but we can do it, if you just hold our hands.