Unlimited Love

This is a drawing that I did today.  It is very wintery and cold here, a sudden change of weather, and I could just not make myself go out and do the things that needed to be done, so instead I stayed home and drew Michael.  As I was drawing, and talking to him as I did, I thought about all the things that I have learned and done since he came into my life.   Finding my true self began with Michael leading the way.  In the last three years I have tried so many things that I had never done in the previous fifty.  Just this month I have learned to do a choreographed dance, something that up until two weeks ago, I would have never thought possible for me.   I have never done a drawing of a person before being inspired by all the budding artists in my Michael community.  I have written and published a book which is another dream come true for me.  Using the internet and computer were not part of my past life either.  The interesting thing is that these things I have done, not for me, but for Him.   In wanting to give him everything, it has somehow turned out to be that I have received more than I can ever give back.  That is how it works with Love.  The more you give, the more there is for everyone.  I am much braver than I used to be, and I know there is nothing to fear when it comes to giving and sharing from the heart.

Thriller Night

I am probably the only person on the planet who had not seen the Thriller video before 2009.

 I just found out about Thrill the World which takes place on the Saturday closest to Halloween each year since 2006.  It is a worldwide attempt to have the largest number of people dancing the same dance at the same time all around the world.  Each city or group had a charity that benefits from any donations.  When looking at the website I noticed there was a group registered in our city.  In checking it out further I found out the the dance takes place in the very same location where we chose to have our public Memorial for Michael.  Of course, this meant that Siren and I had to join in and do the dance.  We had 2 weeks to learn it.  On Friday, we watched the teaching videos for the dance, all 40 of them, and it looked like a completely impossible feat to learn the steps, the body movements, the timing.  I really thought that there was no way in the world I could ever do it.  Since then, over the last 5 days we have both been learning and practicing at home, for hours and hours, and it finally seems like it just might be possible.   Dancing a dance that Michael danced is sooo exciting, just to know that he learned those very same moves, although he probably learned them in 5 minutes and did them ten times faster that I ever will, it still makes me feel closer to him.

 I would never have expected myself to be interested in dressing up like a zombie and dancing in a public place.  Of course, whatever I don't know how to do, or don't think I'm capable of, or interested in, is just the thing, with Michael, that I find myself doing.  And enjoying.  And being so grateful for the expansion of my heart and body and mind and soul that he has brought into my life.

I will be dancing for Michael on October 27 at 7 PM GMT.   And that is why I will be spending the next ten days making sure I get it right!!

Wembley

Another Friday night all alone in a hotel room.  This time I got all my business done and out of the way so I could watch Wembley.  My little laptop was not big enough or loud enough for me, but I turned out all the lights and sat with my face 6 inches away and was mesmerized.  There are so many things that stood out for me, Michael's amazing energy, knowledge of every word and move, the obvious joy and fun he was having,  his beautiful face and body, his passion and feeling, the way he wanted to entertain and draw everyone in to the story he was creating, his childlike enjoyment of creating magic, it was wonderful.  How alive and vibrant he was, he was so open and honest and pure.  It all built up to a crescendo, with Man in the Mirror to bring it all together once everyone's heart had been opened to receive the message that we all have such incredible potential if we only believe in ourselves and take that first step.

I am so grateful for the people who were there that night, and all through his life.  The ones who saw him for the true pioneer, hero, genius, he was, and felt the purity and truth he emitted in everything he did.  I was too self absorbed to notice him then, but I am so happy to know that he was appreciated by so many.

I am grateful that we can now have this incredible treasure, and so many other still unknown to us, so that he will always be alive and fresh in our memories and our hearts, and be available for future generations to discover as we have.   I am grateful to the estate for ensuring Michael's legacy expands and grows for him, his children, and all of us as well as future generations.

When it was over I cried and cried and cried some more.  It was not a thinking process, it was pure emotion and feeling that overcame me.  That is the way of Michael, he gets past all the superficial stuff and changes you from the inside out.

The Way He Makes Me Feel

I had the luxury last week, to spend a night alone in a different city.  Stayed in a hotel, and had the whole evening to do whatever I wanted.  I started by having dinner alone in a great Vietnamese restaurant.  Well, I wasn't completely alone, because I had a picture of Michael on the table and I was reading a book, Writing the Divine, which I hoped would help me to be able to talk to Michael more clearly.  Back in my hotel room by 6:30 I had plenty of time to watch some videos, which I don't get to do very often, because I am never alone, and I can not properly express myself with my family around when I am watching Michael singing, talking, or just looking beautiful in photos.  It was heavenly, to be able to relax and enjoy him properly.  I was sooo happy, my heart was bursting with love, tears streaming down my face, with no one else around to question my sanity.  Eventually, I decided to try to do a bit of channeling.  I opened a new document on my laptop, sat with my fingers on the keyboard, closed my eyes, said a prayer, and waited.  The book said that some Divine being, I was hoping for Michael, would come and talk to me, answer my questions and give me guidance.  It said that my fingers would eventually just start typing, and I would not have to think about it at all.  I continued to sit and wait.  Nothing happened.  Still overwhelmed with love and joy, I patiently waited some more.  Still no words came.   Hmmm, was I doing something wrong?  Was I not in the flow?  It sure felt like I was, but maybe not.  After an eternity, somewhere between 5 minutes and half an hour, I really have no idea how long it was, I gave up.  Maybe channeled writing wasn't for me.

I decided to watch something else before I went to bed.  The video for The Way You Make Me Feel.  I turned out the light, having enjoyed my evening immensely, feeling close to Michael, but disappointed that He hadn't come to talk to me on my computer screen.  The video I had just watched played in my mind.  Then I realized the message it had for me.  Just like in the video, Michael makes sure his message gets through.  He is determined, pesky, and does not give up when there is something he wants.  Always in a gentle, kind way, but still very much in your face.  I have no reason to worry that I will not hear or understand what he wants me to do, or what he wants me to know.  He will make sure of that.  If it isn't channeled writing in words on a screen, it doesn't mean that they are still not Divine messages that are given to me in the way I can understand.  He speaks to me through his songs, suddenly KNOWING something that I need to do, coincidences, cloud formations, and even through writing, not specifically channeled, but guided by him.   I feel his love with me in all I do, what more do I need?

My Heart is Beating in His Peace

Surrounding me is all the life that my Beloved created in His Love.
It calls to me in every heartbeat and in every breath;
in every action and in every thought.
Peace fills my heart, and floods my body with the purpose of forgiveness.
Now my mind is healed, and all I need to save the world is given me.
Each heartbeat brings me peace; each breath infuses me with strength.
I am His messenger, directed by His Voice, sustained by Him in love,
and held forever quiet and at peace within His loving Arms.
Each heartbeat calls His Name, and every one is answered by His Voice,
assuring me I am at home in Him.

Adapted from A Course in Miracles

Back in His Arms

I have spent the last six days on a business trip with my husband.  No Michael music, not even a single song playing in a grocery store!   No communication with my online friends other than a bit of texting with my sweet Siren.  Ten minutes to check on Facebook at the end of each long day.  No pictures, no videos, no heartfelt conversations.   I did manage to leave a few of Siren's beautiful quote cards behind on my journey, just to get people thinking about Michael.

Today was my first chance to get back to my "real" life, my Michael life.  My Bad 25 CD didn't arrive while I was gone, so I went straight to Walmart to buy it.  Soon my Michaelmobile was filled with Michael's voice singing songs I haven't heard before.  What bliss!!  Such a beautiful gift to have this happen three years after he left.  It's like he knew we would need it.  I felt him so close, as I was filled with his sweet sound.   There he was again, blowing me kisses from my sun visor.  It's not that I am ever really "away" from Michael.  He is in my every thought and action, everything reminds me of him, but the music and his beautiful face are so much a part of my life that I missed them a lot.

I went to Michael's Love Tree to do my Major Love Prayer an hour early, as I knew I would not be able to join in at the right time.  The city has decided they don't want us leaving anything in or around the tree anymore, so the stones of Love that Siren left on Sunday were gone.  In spite of this, I fell an amazing peace to be there.  I sat by the tree, without flowers, pictures, candles and I felt completely happy and joyful beyond reason.   I realized that the Love that this tree receives, it also sends out, multiplied.  I ran my fingers over Michael's name on his plaque, read his beautiful quote, and I knew that His love can not be limited.  It envelopes us, fills us, and we can only grow and expand and spread it out like ripples that will never end.  We ARE the ripples.   The Major Love Prayer really does make a difference, and I love knowing that people all around the world are joining together in Michael's love and really are helping to make his dreams come true.

Checking in on facebook tonight, I read a story of Michael's love in someone's life.  Someone I don't know, but who is my sister in his love, and by the time I had finished reading her story, I LOVED her like I love so many of the people I have come to know over the past three years.  These stories always serve to increase my love for Michael, if that is even possible, and my hope for the world, and the perfection of the plan that we are all a part of.   I can not even begin to understand how he comes to each of us with exactly what we need, for our own growth and understanding, to be who we really are, and do what we are here to do, for Him, and for the world.  I don't need to know how, I only need to know that he does.  I am so grateful to be so blessed.  Thank you Michael, for everything.  You are my life.

Whichever Way You Cut It

Who was/is Michael Jackson?  Is he an angel?  Was he sent by God to teach us about Love?  Is he the second coming of Christ?  Is he Divine?

Most people agree that he was one of a kind.  Not like any other person, ever.  No one denies that he was a genius of creativity.   We have a fascination about trying to find out the exact nature of his existence and purpose.  I have thought about these questions, but not as seriously and tenaciously as some, because I know who Michael is to me.  I know that he came into my life with a lightning bolt of love that shook me up and changed me forever.  He is my everything!

In thinking about who he really was, I have one question to ask.  What if he was a regular human being, no different than anyone else?   His life circumstances certainly weren't different than many children in his time and location.  What if he just happened to make the most of this one life that he came to live?  What if he had no special life purpose other than to make the most of it in whatever way he chose?   Would that make him less special to us now?  Or would that make the life he created and the legacy of love, and music and dance, and humanitarian work all the more remarkable?

If Michael was just a regular human being living a single life, wow!   To me, that would make him just as extraordinary as if he were the most special one of a kind gift from God.   To do all he did, with just the determination and conviction and hard work and vision and unconditional love of one person is completely outrageously amazing!  Maybe someone can become divine by living a divine life.  

Who was/is Michael Jackson?
Who are you?