ABC

Earlier this week, I was feeling stuck. I was having doubts about my next steps, getting worried and afraid, thinking I had to figure it all out myself. The beautiful feeling of Joy in my heart, which had been my constant companion over the last year, had faded. It seemed as though I was all alone.

Then I remembered the promise I made to myself and Michael, a year and a half ago, that I would always say yes to my heart and not hold back, no matter what.

I decided I would have to step through my fears somehow. I imagined this would involve some deep soul searching, meditation, contemplation, as well as plenty of time and effort. I asked God and Michael to please help, and went to sleep.

Sometime during the night, I woke up with the song ABC playing in my head. I always have Michael’s music in my head and I don’t always pay much attention, but this time I took note of it, thinking that it was not much of a message, and went back to sleep. In the morning I had the song Enjoy Yourself playing in my mind. This also seemed important somehow, so I went to my computer to remind myself of the words to these two songs.

You went to school to learn girl


Things you never, never knew before


Like "I" before "E" except after "C"


And why 2 plus 2 makes 4


Now, now, now 
I'm gonna teach you


Teach you, teach you


All about love girl


All about love


Sit yourself down, take a seat


All you gotta do is repeat after me

A B C


It's easy as, 1 2 3


As simple as, do re mi


A B C, 1 2 3 
Baby, you and me girl

Hmmm, a song that I had never thought of as having a message of any serious consequence, suddenly seemed to have a lot of meaning. Is Michael saying we are here to learn about love, and he can show us the way? It seems pretty clear, as easy as ABC.

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself

Enjoy yourself with me

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself

Enjoy yourself with me

Better enjoy yourself

Better enjoy yourself

You sittin' over there starin' in space a-while

People are dancin', dancin' all over the place

But you shouldn't worry about things that cha can't control

A-come on girl while the night is young

Why don't she let, let yourself go woo

Let's have some fun

Let's have a good time you an' me

Sittin' there wit-cha mouth poked out

Just as sweet as you can be

Why don't-cha live, live the life you got

Come on girl let's git it while the music's runnin' hot woo

So it is not only easy, but it should also be fun! Obviously, I had been taking myself too seriously. I am not sure where this will lead me, but I do know that I am no longer afraid. Once again, Michael has answered my prayers with a perfect, clear and comforting message of L.O.V.E.

The Ultimate Square Peg

It seems to be a well known fact that Michael was a lonely person. He had to be separated from his fans, for his protection and theirs. He didn't know which people he could trust, and which ones only wanted something from him. The people who saw him the most, were often those who were paid to do a job for him.

At the same time, there were a lot of people who loved him. Musicians, actors, bodyguards, children by the dozens, artists, dancers, families such as the Cascio's who he could be himself with. His mother, children, nieces and nephews. Why was he so lonely? He was not lacking human contact or social stimulation.

Maybe it was more than just his celebrity and eccentricities that made him feel lonely. Maybe it was that he just didn't fit into this world. Truly a square peg in a round hole. Can you imagine having music channelling through your head from the time you were a child. Can you imagine seeing people as the souls they truly are underneath the outward facade. Can you imagine seeing everything in a totally different way than everyone on the planet, except children, who are not taken seriously anyway. No wonder he wanted to be Peter Pan. He was Peter Pan.

Add to this, the interesting twist that you yourself are two different people, and the person everyone thinks you are, is not the person you really are. It's enough to make you want to build yourself a big safe haven of love. Somewhere to let yourself be free to just be.

Michael, we really do understand. We love you. We can see the real you shining through, impossible to conceal. And you have shown us how to be the real us. To think outside the box. It's hard for us to rise to your level, but we can do it, if you just hold our hands.

Talking to Michael

Michael, I am wondering if you will talk to me about your healing work. I just realized yesterday the extent to which your mission here was to heal children and see the love that was the essence of who they are.

It was my greatest joy, and something I did not want to publicize, as it was so precious to me and I did not want it to be exploited.

I understand Michael, can you tell me more about it.

I have mentioned before in my other conversations that you are aware of, that I saw people differently than most. I did not view the body as the soul that was inhabiting it, but I saw the perfection of the soul itself. This sometimes resulted in healing, if the person was receptive, but it was not me doing the healing. I was God's messenger and it was always He who guided me.

I admire you for being so humble. Do you want it to be widely known now? Couldn't we all learn from your loving, giving ways?

Those who are so inclined, will learn, those who are not, will not. Whatever lessons can be learned from my life are for those students who are ready. There are many teachers and many ways to the truth.

I am wondering what role we, I, can play in continuing your work, and if Ever After can help as well. I feel honored and also somewhat unworthy to consider being your hands and feet and voice now that you are not in the physical world.

God bless you! Do not feel unworthy, because you know the job you have in the symphony of L.O.V.E. is only to play your own note. No one else can do it, so there is no possibility of unworthiness. Just wait, watch, listen to the call of your heart and you will know what is being asked of you. No matter how small the step, they are each important. You have been practicing for a long while, to be able to listen to the wisdom and guidance of the creator. Do not doubt your ability to hear, or carry out what is yours to do.

Can you help me with the feelings of being pushy if I try to sell the book. My way has been to sit and wait for the orders to pour in, just by thinking about them.

(Michael laughs), Well there is a lot to be said for the power of imagination, as I told you in the last conversation with Jan. In fact, it is just as powerful as action, although most people would not be able to believe that. Use your imagination to take you places you have not thought possible, then take the action that comes to you. It is never a bigger step than you are able to handle. The important thing is to TAKE THE STEP when you are inspired to. That is all you need to do.

Michael, I have to tell you that I have my doubts about whether it is you I am talking to, or if I am just talking to myself and saying what I think you would say.

You yourself have answered that question before. There is no miracle without belief. And you can have anything if you truly believe it is possible. And your promises will win out. It's for real.

Keeping the Faith

Our book, Ever After, has been out for 4 months now. The first books I mailed were to Michael's children and mother. At that moment, I felt that the main purpose for writing the book had been fulfilled. I guess that is not totally true, as I had ordered 5000 copies! But it was written with them in mind, to comfort them and give them a keepsake of the most precious person in their lives.

Since then, as I have been mailing out books to MJ lovers all over the world, I have come to realize that my book is also for anyone who loves Michael, anyone who wants to learn about the essence of who he was, and for the children who were not on this earth at the same time he was. I have been reluctant to promote the book, thinking that the people who need it will find it. I still believe this. I also believe that I am here to follow where my heart leads, and not hold back. This is the promise I made to myself when Michael died.

I find I have been holding back when it comes to selling the book. Not wanting to put myself in the spotlight. I also have a underlying belief that salespeople are pushy and try to make people buy what they really don't want or need. My job now, is to change that belief, especially when it concerns Ever After. I am so proud of this book, and I really believe it can help people to begin to think differently about themselves and what they can accomplish in life. Michael's example is so inspiring.

Now I am following up my ideas, donating to libraries and hospitals on request, doing an interview for a magazine, asking people to share our website with their friends, posting on MJ fan pages and sites. I see Ever After blanketing the world in Michael's love and making a difference.

My plans do not include mass marketing on Amazon or bookstores, although this would give Ever After exposure to unlimited potential buyers, the percentage they keep would make it impossible for us to give 20% of the price to charity, and for me to compensate Kathy for her beautiful illustrations which she did for next to nothing. Our intention from the start, was to keep the price low enough for most people to be able to afford. Getting involved with a distributor would just not allow us to do this.

It has been such a joy for me so far, to be mailing our beautiful book to people everywhere. I still have quite a stack of boxes of books left, but I have faith that their owners will be contacting me soon.

Closer Than Ever

When Michael was here, his energy connected with all those who loved him. He said he could feel the loving energy washing over him in waves when he was performing. People all over the world loved Michael without knowing him or ever meeting him. They connected energetically.

On the physical level, this could not be. Michael was lonely even though he felt the connection to so many. His physical body had to be kept separate from others, for his safety as well as theirs. Bodies can not join the way minds can.

Imagine the joy he must feel now that he has the freedom to be close to all of us with no body to contain him. He is truly free to connect with us as he was never able to before. It is up to us to do our part, to communicate with him through our love and carry on his work, each in our own way, by being his hands, his feet, his voice in this world. He is counting on us to follow our heart's desires as he did, and make a difference.

Believe

In the months since Michael left his physical body, many people have seen and felt him around in different ways. He has been seen in the clouds, his image on walls, visiting in dreams, radios turning themselves on, songs in people's heads, ideas for writing, art, charity work the list goes on. Are these people all imagining things? Or is Michael really still here, connecting with the people who love him?

I have noticed that there is never any concrete proof that it is real. It is up to the person to know it, or doubt it. I have been one who has had a few experiences that seem to show that Michael is helping me, reassuring me, guiding me, letting me know he is here. Although I have always wanted to believe in miracles, I have, at the same time, looked for that proof that will definitely show that what I am seeing or feeling is real. What I have come to realize, is that the important ingredient in miracles is belief. Without belief, there is no miracle, and if someone needs proof, they are not believing. This is why there will never be absolute physical proof of these types of phenomenon, but there is that wonderful knowing that comes with it, which for me, finally, is all the proof I need.

A couple of months ago, before going to sleep, I asked Michael if he could please give me a hug.

For some reason, I really wanted him to come in my dreams and give me a big hug, I was imagining how wonderful that would be. In the morning, I did not remember any hugs from Michael. I drove to work, and had my Michael music on in the car as always, I was thinking about other things and not really listening to the music. As I parked my car, the music changed in a way I can't describe. It was suddenly more clear and beautiful and grabbed my attention as Michael sang:

Just the other night, I thought I heard you cry, asking me to come, and hold you in my arms. I could hear your prayers, your burdens I will bear, but first I need your hand, then forever can begin.

I knew it was my hug.

My Forever Resolution

A new year always gets people thinking about what they would like to change in their lives. Quitting bad habits, physical changes such as losing weight, getting that bigger house or new car. The new year seems like a fresh start, a clean slate and another chance to change what we don't like. But once we smoke that first cigarette of the year, or eat the chocolate cake, or spend too much on credit once again, we give it all up. Too late for this year. That one slip, causes us to give up on ourselves and our possibilities.

Whether I have not wanted to make promises I won't keep, or just have been basically satisfied with my life, I am not sure, but I have never been one for making New Year's resolutions. My one and only BIG resolution happened on July 7, 2009. That was the day of Michael's memorial service. On that day, my heart opened and my life was changed forever. I saw a man who was the same age as I was, who had used his life to give his gifts to the world without reservation, who had never stopped doing what he felt he was here to do. I saw a man who was loved by the world and who loved the world back.

In that moment I knew that I needed to step up and do what I am here to do. At that time, I had no idea what that was, but I made a promise to myself, to Michael, and to God that I would ALWAYS follow my heart, say yes to my ideas and follow through NO MATTER WHAT.

In the year and a half since that day, I am proud to say that I have not given up on that resolution. I have been afraid, I have wondered about my sanity, and I have stood up for my ideas and insisted on doing what I knew was right for me to do even when it didn't seem to make sense. It has become my new habit to say yes to my heart instead of taking the easiest path. It has also been the most rewarding, exciting, meaningful, loving time of my life. I know I will never stop following Michael's example, and I am so grateful to him for showing us all how to be L.O.V.E. in the world.

We all have our own gifts to give, there is no doubt about that. The only question is, will we be true to ourselves and express our gifts as Michael did, or not. If we do, we really will make a difference and change the world. Let's make Michael proud in 2011

Happy New Year!