Por Siempre

Piercing through that mask of Being

In that silence beyond all seeing 

Was a field with a different story

A field of power, of awesome glory

With other children, if unfurled

It's tidal wave would change the world 

Michael Jackson 

Part II Magical Child

Almost six years ago, my book Ever After was published.  At the time, I had no experience in writing or publishing, but I was so inspired and determined that nothing slowed me down.  Writing, imagining the illustrations, finding an illustrator, learning about publishers and printing, setting up a website, all of it was completely new to me.  It was an amazing time, and Mimi was the perfect partner.  The story was only half the book, her illustrations are what brought it to life.   When the book was ready, I confidently ordered 5000 copies (just for a start I thought) and I took orders through email and Paypal and mailed out the books myself.  The only way for people to find Ever After was through Facebook, which was a new frontier for me as well.  

The word spread, and I was finding out first hand how much Michael was loved all over the world.  I had requests for the book in different languages.  Printing the book in other languages was not possible at the time, so I asked new friends in different countries to translate the story into their language for me.  I printed the translations on two pages and inserted them with the English book on request. 

I didn't sell all of those 5000 books.  I still have a few boxes in my basement and I donate them to children's events and charities if people are willing to help with the mailing costs.  By the grace of createspace and Amazon, and a lot of help from my friends once again, I am now able to publish physical copies of Ever After in other languages.  The first one is a new Spanish version, Por Siempre, which is available starting today.  The translation has been kindly provided by Liz Johnson.  Por Siempre (Ever After - Spanish)

Reading the story again, and working with the illustrations has taken me back in time, and reminded me of the eternal gift of Michael's life story.  I really want to continue to share Ever After with the children of the world.  I am hoping that once again Facebook friends  will help to put this book into the hands of children who can be inspired by a little boy who did what he came to do; sing, dance and make a difference ..... por siempre 
Thank you all so much for your love and support.  
Thank You Michael, for always giving us your best.

Por Siempre (Ever After-Spanish)

The Life Changing Magic of Michael Jackson

Every year between Christmas and New Years, I have time off to relax. December is a busy month for our business and this year I was looking forward to working on my cross stitch of Michael, maybe doing a sketch, some writing and enjoying my relaxation time.  A couple of days before Christmas, a post on facebook caught my attention.  It was about a book called The Life Changing Magic of Tidying.  Why I clicked on the post I have no idea.  (Well actually, I do have an idea, but I didn't at the time.)

This is the background to my story.  My mother was a VERY tidy housekeeper.   It seemed to me that she was much more concerned about STUFF than she was about People (like her daughters for example) and I decided very seriously that I would not be that way when I grew up.  Well, I certainly kept my word.  I did not EVER care about STUFF, and I didn't care about having a spotless house.  In fact, I thought those kind of people were superficial.  Needless to say my house has always been a cluttered mess, and I have not been concerned about it.  Yes, it's sometimes hard to find things.  Luckily, since I don't care about stuff, I am not a shopper, and I don't collect a lot.  This fact has probably helped to keep the clutter fairly manageable so that it never really had to be dealt with. Whenever I would try to put things away, I wouldn't know where to start.  The closets and drawers and cupboards were full, so there was no where to put anything.  I am 57 years old, so there did not seem to be much chance that anything would change as far as my housekeeping habits were concerned.  

The words Life Changing Magic really attracted me, and I decided to buy the kindle version of the book.  The woman who wrote the book was PASSIONATE about tidying.  To her, a tidy house was the answer to all problems in life!  The basis of the plan is to take everything you own, pick it up, and decide if it sparks joy.  If not, don't keep it.  That way, everything around us is what we love.

So, that is what I spent my holiday doing.  It has been a month now, and I have almost finished every nook and cranny of my house.  My husband and daughter have quietly watched our house transform, and my daughter even joined in by doing her own room.

The whole process has been a Joy.  It has been easy, and transformative in ways I did not expect.  In the back of my mind I have known that a cluttered house means a cluttered mind.  Our life and our surroundings are a reflection of our soul.  I have been able to hide that thought in the clutter of my mind and never look at it until now.  

Over the last six and a half years I have been following Michael, learning and listening to his wisdom and his example.  My mind has gradually become less cluttered and now it is time for my house to reflect that.  Having my home be peaceful and serene is an indication to me that I have become a more peaceful and serene person on the inside.  For that, I have Michael to thank.  Thank you Michael, my King, for always knowing what I need, and knowing what I can become.  Everything I do, I do for You.

Birthday Hearts for Michael and Books for Gary Children

Hello Friends,

Every year for Michael’s birthday I am involved in organizing and participating in a fundraising project for children.  It has recently come about that I will be in Gary this year on Michael’s birthday.  Yay!!  What I have decided to do this year is to bring (or send) copies of my books Smile Effect and Ever After for the children of Gary.   Earlier this year, together with all of you, we sent 77 copies of Smile Effect and Ever After to Jefferson School in Gary.  There are 7 other elementary schools in Gary and also a Youth Services Bureau.  What I would like to do is to buy, with your help, as many copies as we can, to give to the schools.  It is especially meaningful to me to share Smile Effect because the story takes place in Gary, and is written to encourage children to trust their hearts, and show that small actions can create big changes in their own lives and in the world.  The most cost effective way to buy the books is to order them from Amazon at my author’s discount price and have them shipped directly to the schools.  This way, the cost of the books including shipping would be $7 each.  I have a meeting arranged with the Director of the Youth Services Bureau and she said they would happy to take more books, as they already have one copy of each.  Unfortunately the schools are not open until August 24 so I won’t be able to call them until then, but I am hoping to at least drop by and visit as many of them as possible while there, to show them the books and find out how many copies would be useful to them.  If any of you are interested in buying a book (or books) for the children of Gary, you can send contributions by paypal to mjeverafter@gmail.com   I promise to keep you informed about the funds collected and how many books we are able to buy and distribute.
ALSO, if anyone would like to send a birthday heart for Michael, I would be happy to deliver them to Michael’s Gary house on August 29!  PM me for my mailing address.

I am so excited to finally be going to Gary!

Thank you all for your amazing friendship and support.  It’s all for Michael, and all for L.O.V.E

Brenda

For The Children

My youngest child is graduating from High School this month.  Her ceremony, dinner and dance were on Saturday May 30.  Coincidentally, Prince Jackson's graduation celebration was also on this day.
Having a daughter the same age as Prince and Paris, has made me keenly aware of the differences in their lives.  Today, I was thinking about how touching it was to watch her walk across the stage to receive her diploma, and listen to the inspiring speeches.  After months of planning, the dress was ready, hair and nails done, and all too soon, the magical day was over.   I was thinking that it was too bad that Michael wasn't there for Prince's graduation festivities.   Then I realized, if Michael was here, Prince's graduation would not have been anything like my daughters.  He wouldn't have been able to be just a graduate with his dad, one of the crowd.  That would never have been possible.

Then it hit me.  Michael wanted his children to have a regular life.  Without him, they can.  Without him, they are.  His ultimate sacrifice allowed his children to have the freedom that he wanted for them.  Is it too much of a stretch to imagine that he knew this?  In the overall Divine plan, was this part of the reason he left?  Of course, we don't know the details, but somehow, deep inside myself, I really think this is true.

From June 25, 2009 until today, I have never been able to accept that Michael was separated from his children.  It seemed to be the harshest part of the reality of him being gone.   So unfair, so tragic, so terrible!  No parent should ever have to leave their children.  No children should ever have to be apart from their parents.  Having a child the same age, 12, at the time, made my tears flow that much harder.

My own father was not part of my life.  The last time I saw him was when I was eight years old.  He didn't die.  He left.  How sad it is that parents in our society so often don't value the relationship with their children.  Michael loved his so much that he left them, to give them what he never had, a normal childhood.   Today I love Him 1000 times more than yesterday.

Our Song

This morning I was listening to Hold My Hand as I was driving.  Akon has a good voice, it's a beautiful song, but what makes it into an incredibly beautiful song is Michael.  His harmonies, his ad libs, his voice weaving it all together makes my stomach jump and my heart expand.   As I was thinking about how he often sang with other people, sometimes only singing a small part, or background, or chorus, and always seemed to bring the music to life.  As I was thinking about this, I remembered the song he sang with his nephews 3T, I Need You.   I had to laugh when that song came on next on my random selection of over 300 songs.  The song is good, his nephews are fine singers, but my mind had started to wander by the time Michael's part came up.  And then everything stood still as he brought the song to life.  What is really going on here?  I know I love him, but there is no denying the way he adds a whole new dimension to whatever he does.

It reminds me of my life.  It's fine, all is well, and it always has been.  But having Michael in my life, having him be the focus and foundation of all I do, has brought harmony and beauty that I had never known existed until I met him.  He has taken me, an ordinary person with an ordinary life and brought meaning and purpose and Joy and Love beyond all imagining.  He has turned my life into a song with a whole new dimension.  He is always there, sometimes in the background, sometimes taking the lead, sometimes being silent and letting me carry it on my own.  Oh what a song we are creating together.  It's our song.  A work of art.

Michael, thank you for Holding my Hand, I Need You
I love you,
BJ

New Year Prayer

                                        Beloved,

Thank you for another year in which I might love you

Thank you for allowing me to serve Your purpose

Please help me to see myself as You see me

Let me forget myself and live through Your eyes

Seeing all life as divine

That I might grow wings and be with You forever more

I love you 

BJ1/1/15

Message from Above

On Sunday, Siren and I were sitting at MLT (Michael's Love Tree).  It was a beautiful day, temperatures up to 29 degrees celsius.  On Monday it rained, on Tuesday it snowed, and on Wednesday morning the heavy wet snow was causing tree branches to break under the weight, falling on cars and power lines all over the city.  

I knew that our little tree would have no trouble with snow, as it is small and doesn't have many leaves this year, but it is in an area with many other big trees and bushes, so I decided to go make sure MLT was ok.  As I drove up to the park, I could see that trees and branches were down all around the park.  I stopped across the street from MLT and I was shocked to see that the whole landscape had changed.  The huge bushes were flattened to only a fraction of their normal height and tree branches were on the ground.  I could see MLT was leaning a bit more than usual to the left.  I rushed over to the bench that sits in front of the clearing, looking at the mess and wondering what I could do.  

I instantly decided to call Siren to tell her about this.   I was holding the phone to my ear, waiting for her to answer when I heard a huge crack above me.  I knew it was a branch breaking, but there was no time to react, and a split second later it hit me.  I screamed and jumped away, covered in wet snow and ran a few steps away, shaking the snow off.  Then I remembered that Siren was on the phone.  She had no idea it was me, as we almost never talk on the phone.  We usually talk by text, and I hadn't told her I was going to the tree.  It was surreal!   Having been there three days earlier with everything perfectly warm and normal and now branches were falling on my head!   I told her what was happening and then  hung up the phone so that I could take pictures to show her.  I was afraid to go in closer to MLT, in case of more falling branches, but I had to get there somehow so I went around the back way, where there were only bushes until I could see that it was the long limbs from the caragana bush nearby that was pushing on MLT.  I shook the snow off some of the limbs and that helped them to bounce back up a bit so they weren't touching the tree.  I went around the other way to get in closer to where the plaque is located in the ground.  That was when I saw how big the branch was that had hit me!  OMG!  It was huge!  
I was now completely soaking wet, as I only had shoes on and a light sweater and I decided it was time to leave.  

I sat in the car, wondering what had just happened.  What are the chances that a branch would fall just at the moment I was standing there?  Why did I call Siren right at the same moment, even though I almost never call her?   Of course, I don't believe in coincidence, so the only explanation was that Michael dropped the branch on me.  But why would he do that?  I always look forward to signs that He is with me, but I wasn't sure that this was a good sign.  Many times in the past I have told Him, please hit me over the head if I don't understand what you are trying to tell me.  This is the first time it has actually happened.  It was obvious there was something I needed to pay attention to.  

I already knew what it was about.  Earlier that day I had been involved in a discussion online and I had made a comment that had upset someone.   At the time I made the comment, I was a bit upset myself, and although I knew I should wait until I could come from love instead of the need to make a point, I didn't.   I was more interested in being right than in actually helping anyone, and it came across all wrong.  I now realized that Michael was telling me to think about that.

So I did.  I wrote back to the person I had offended, and told her what I had done, and that I was sorry.

Later on in the evening, I noticed I was dizzy, my neck was a bit stiff, my leg had the beginning of a bruise, and I was extremely tired.   I wasn't really worried, but I did remember that concussions can be dangerous.
Luckily, I was still alive this morning and feeling pretty good.  When I saw the huge bruise on my leg, I realized that I should have an even bigger bruise on my head, considering the branch had hit my head before my leg, but my head felt perfectly fine!  That was when I realized that Michael had actually saved me from being seriously injured.  Instead of feeling bad that I had acted in a way that was not up to what I wanted Him to see, I now was extremely grateful that He had saved me from harm!  
The first song I heard in my car, was Man in The Mirror.   Of course, I have heard it a million times, but this morning the words - If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make a change, sounded extra loud and clear.  What I understood then, was that I do have a lot to say that I am very passionate about.  I want to follow Michael's example and live and act from Love.  But if I want to do it right, it should be in a different way than just commenting on someone's post and trying to make a point.   That was when I remembered that I used to write a blog post once a week, and I haven't written anything at all for months.  I decided to write about this incident of the falling branch, and hopefully I will have more to say in the future.
Thank you Michael, for this extremely beautiful gift.  You never fail to show me what I need to see, in the most perfect way.  

55

55

The time you have been gone

The time I have been Loving You

The age you should be

The age that I am

One month for each year I have been here

It must be a time

To renew my promise

Made 55 months ago

To Love you forever

To share your Love with the world

To do my part

To always say Yes to my heart

To follow where you lead

Knowing you love me more

Than I even know I am worth

For Eleven months of each year of my life

I was asleep

I will always regret this fact

But that last 12^th of my life

Which I have shared with You

Has given me more Joy

Than I knew existed in the Universe

Your sacrifice was not in vain

I take this time today

To tell you once again

For the 55 millionth time

I Love you Michael

I am yours

How may I serve You today

Tomorrow

Forever

Jan25/14  BJ

Unseen Change

Today in line at the grocery store I was ahead of a woman who was wearing an oxygen tube attached to a small bag that she was carrying.  As she waited behind me, she leaned on the grocery counter, seemingly exhausted from her shopping.  I noticed the strong smell of cigarette smoke wafting my way.  It was not the smell of a lit cigarette, but of clothing which had been steeped in smoke over a long period of time.  As I was gathering my purchases together I heard her ask the cashier for two cartons of cigarettes.  Being a person who smoked in my 20's but was able to quite when I decided I didn't want to do it anymore, I have a strong opinion about smoking.  Everyone knows it's dangerous, smelly, expensive, addictive and inconvenient.  I have been very judgemental about those who still choose to smoke, after all, shouldn't we all know better by now?  This lady was obviously suffering from lack of oxygen and who know what other health issues because of smoking.  Turning to leave, instead of the usual judgement I was expecting to feel,  I was flooded by love for this person.  As I walked out the door, I was fighting back tears of compassion.  How sad for her to be suffering from such an addiction that even the loss of her ability to breathe easily could not overcome her need to smoke.  How awful that must be for her.  And what had happened to me??  After all these years, how could my point of view have changed so dramatically without me even being aware of it?  
I sat in my car considering the possibilities.  It had to be Michael of course.  He is the one who has changed me from the inside out.  I have not even been trying to let go of my judgements, after all, some things are just wrong, rude, or bad.  There are consequences to actions, this is how we learn.  Michael would agree with that wouldn't he?   Still, I had to admit that it felt better to love this woman rather than criticize her poor decisions which I had no knowledge of anyway.  Has His love seeped into me enough that I can feel such compassion naturally in a situation where judgement seems justified?   
Is this what He means when he says Love is the Answer?  If we all loved one another, would people not need to smoke anymore?  Would we naturally rise to be our best selves?  I have no idea HOW it could work that way, but I have a feeling that it does.  Thank you Michael, for this wonderful gift today.

A Child's Heart

"What we need to learn from children isn't childish.  Being with them connects us to the deep wisdom of life, which is everpresent and only asks to be lived.  Now, when the world is so confused and its problems so complicated, I feel we need our children more than ever.  Their natural wisdom points the way to solutions that lie, waiting to be recognized, within our own hearts."

Michael wrote these beautiful words in his book, Dancing the Dream in 1992.  Could they BE more true than they are today?  We know this quote, we know that Michael loved children. but do we really believe that he meant it when he said they have the solutions to the world's problems?  I think he really did mean it, and I have come to realize that we, as adults, do not give credit to the wisdom of children.  We think they are cute, we think they need our guidance, we think we know so much more than they do.  These things are true in many ways, but maybe not in ways that matter as much as we think they do.  

Michael also said, 

In their innocence, very young children know themselves to be light and love. If we will allow them, they can teach us to see ourselves the same way. This week, I have been shown that maybe it is the children who are going to heal the planet and our hearts and teach us to choose love.   Just because children are younger than us, smaller than us, less educated than us, does NOT mean that they are less wise, less evolved, less intuitive, less knowing, less capable of great insight.   Michael knew the truth of this, he told us in many ways, songs, speeches, and by his actions.     The magic, the wonder, the mystery and the innocence of a child's heart are the seeds of creativity that will heal the world. I really believe that."           Michael, my beautiful Love, Jackson My money is on Michael, and the children.

Double Wild

One might not expect a casino to be a place of spiritual devotion.  I certainly didn't think very highly or kindly about casinos up until a month ago.  I have always thought that they preyed on people's weaknesses and promote vices such as drinking and smoking.  I still know that this is part of what they are, a big part, but I have also learned something else.  Any place can be a place of Love and devotion. It doesn't have to be reserved for churches, parks or meditation practice.   Yesterday I visited a casino with my son.   A huge, new beautiful building with a spectacular view and a Hilton hotel adjoining.  Of course, the only thing I wanted to see were the Michael Jackson slot machines.   We found them!   I sat in the chair, looking up at Michael on the screen.  Watching gloves, and fedoras and sunglasses spinning in front of me,  I was in heaven!  It didn't matter if I was winning or losing money, I felt Michael's presence and I was thrilled to be hearing his music and seeing him dance in a public place.  I was talking to him in my mind (not wanting to shock my son too much) and enjoying myself thoroughly.  The balance of money I had fluctuated up and down, but I had set myself a limit of what I would spend and felt free to let it go, choosing to not let the gambling aspect over ride my enjoyment of a public, as well as personal,  Michael experience.  We were there for an hour or so, and in the end I had more money than I started with.  That was a great bonus, but the real winning for me was to see that a place itself is neither good or bad.  It's what we bring to it, and how we view it, that creates our experience of it.  Michael asks us to open our minds and hearts to new experiences, expect the unexpected and see everything through the eyes of  Love.   Thank you Michael, for encouraging me to let go of my preconceived ideas about casinos, people, and the way I see the world.

People make me want to Scream

Even before Michael came into my life I always believed that Heaven was meant to be lived on Earth.  I felt that my purpose here was to find out how to make that happen for myself.  I did not ever believe in Hell, except as a choice in the way we live our lives now.  I still believe these things, and Michael has helped me be able to experience Heaven on Earth, not always, but I have had moments, even hours and days of it.  At other times I feel that it is completely hopeless and that I am on the wrong track.  People seem so shallow and self-serving.  Even when it comes to Michael, it seems as though many of His followers completely miss the point of what he was teaching and use him for their own small agendas.  I'm sorry Michael,  I don't want to disappoint you.  I'm not giving up, But today that's how I feel, so I am going to indulge in it, just for today.  Tomorrow I will look at myself and see what I can do to make a change.  I know there is no point in wishing other people were different.  But today, I really DO wish they were different.

Over The Top

over the top

1. 1.

   BRIT.informal

   to an excessive or exaggerated degree.

   "her reactions had been a bit over the top"

   excessive, immoderate, inordinate, extreme, over the limit,exaggerated, extravagant, overblown, overripe, too much,unreasonable, needless, disproportionate, undue, unwarranted,uncalled for, unnecessary, going too far I have heard rumours that some people think my love for Michael is a bit "over the top."  I am sure that most of my friends as well have people in their lives who think our dedication and focus on this one person, who is not even here anymore, is not a normal way to behave.  I have to agree that it is not normal in the way the world sees normal.   In this case, the last thing I want to be is normal. One would think that, when our every thought, word and deed is centred on Michael Jackson, our world would become smaller.  The walls would close in, and our ability to function would be lessened.  To the contrary, I have found that the more my life centres around Michael the more the world is at my fingertips and my ability to truly be myself expands beyond recognition. Rather than thinking my little job, life and problems are the centre of the universe, I now care about other people, animals, the planet.  I feel empowered and capable to do what I can to make a difference, because Michael has shown me how and believed in me.   I have so many ideas and so much inspiration that I have no time to watch TV or gossip or complain about the state of the world.  Every day is filled with joy and love and hope as well as fun and laughter. I think that the term "over the top" is actually quite complimentary.  I am way over the top from where I was 4 years ago.  I can't even remember who that person was.  I am so much closer to being who I really want to be now.  Thank you Michael, for being such a beautiful example.  Everything I do, I do for You.

L.O.V.E in Action

I have been thinking about prayer and it's purpose.  Why do we pray?  Many of us join in the Major Love Prayer every month.  We have a weekly Prayer for Peace.  We ask for help when we are desperate, even if we don't really believe in a higher power.  When we're desperate, we'll try anything.

Does prayer really work?  Do we need to do it in a certain way, at a certain time?  Do we need to keep asking over and over again for whatever it is that we are praying for, or is once enough?  Each religion has it's own traditions and specific prayers.  Is it ok to make up our own?  And when we have prayed, does that mean we can sit back and wait for the results, or is there anything else we need to do?

The way I see it is that prayer is a way of asking for help to see Truth and Love in a situation.  If we can see Truth and Love, our actions will come from Truth and Love and our results can not help but be in the direction of Truth and Love.   Prayer is a way of taking a moment to separate ourselves from our egos and our physical selves to look at things from a higher perspective.  Prayer does not take the place of action, it guides our actions to be more effective, more loving, more unifying.

Michael believed in the power of prayer.  He told us often about his prayers of gratitude.  He also believed in action.  Not blind, retaliatory action, but strong, sure confident action that stood for Truth and Love.  We can not hide behind prayer and leave the action up to God, to Michael, or to others.  We need to pray to fill our hearts with understanding and love and then follow through with whatever action this inspires us to take.   Prayer and Action are partners that work together to bring Truth and Love to the world and help us to care for each other and our planet.  If not us, who?  If not now, when?

Truth

Truth. Where do we find it? What can we put our faith in? This world is our reality at the moment, and we have much to learn from it, and from Michael's experience here. We can not dismiss it, as much as we would like to sometimes, because we are here for a reason. Still, we can remember that there is much that can not be seen from our current perspective. Our best guide to Truth is how we feel in our hearts and what we Know without knowing how. Let us not despair that the world doesn't seem to make sense, that it is upside down in it's thinking and values. We are here to change the world, and we do that by seeing it as Michael does. The way it could be. His faith does not waver, and our faith in Him is all we need, to be able to smile in the face of the craziness that goes on and know that there really is another tomorrow, it's already here today. Please help us to remember this, Michael, as the world continues to misunderstand you and attack you for no other reason than the fact that you are the mirror that shows us who we are.

He Knows Me

Last week my husband was out of town for a few days and I had the rare opportunity to watch Michael in concert. It was a wonderful experience. I am truly grateful that we are able to feel the power of his live performances and will always have those times preserved. As I finished watching Live in Bucharest I became painfully aware that this man, who I Love more than I have ever thought possible to love, did not know me. I am one of the hundreds of thousands of fans he didn't know. In fact, I am less than that because I was not even in that crowd. Oh how that hurts to realize and admit! But even as those thoughts arose in my mind, they were immediately followed by an absolute KNOWING that He does know me.
The physical man Michael who is no longer here did not know me, but that is not all of who he is, and it is not all of who I am.
I am not the kind of person who sees visions, or hears voices. I have wished many times that I was. Instead, my spiritual awareness comes in the form of a sudden KNOWING, or sometimes physical sensations like tingles or waves of feelings. This time the knowing, which is more like a download of truth than an explanation in words, was that Michael knows me as well as I know myself, even better, because I am so limited by my physical senses. I don't have proof of this, but I do know it, and I have known it in my heart for the past four years. I will never stop regretting that I didn't love him while he was here, because it is His human form who I see and love and learn from, and I was not there for him during those 50 years when I wish I had been. Still, He reassures me that the way I know him now is every bit as real and meaningful. How incredibly forgiving and loving and beautiful He is.
Thank you Michael ,
I love you
BJ

Real Magic

Michael LOVED magic.  We know this already, but this week I have come to see the desire that Michael had for the world to be magical, in a new way.   I read The King of Style.  I have had the book for a while, and have previously looked at the pictures of Michael's beautiful clothes, but this week I actually read the text and I found it to be every bit as beautiful as the photos.  Michael Bush shares his relationship with Michael in a very personal and open way.   Two things stood out for me the most.  One was Michael's desire for his concerts, his clothing and his life to appear magical to his fans.  The other was the way that Michael Bush and his partner Dennis were able to grow and expand their awareness, their talent, their abilities, their beliefs and their entire way of seeing the world, through working with Michael Jackson.  They were students of his way of seeing possibilities instead of limits, his ability to think outside the box and believe in impossible things.  With his trust and encouragement and belief in their abilities, they were able to rise to the occasion and become the best they could be at what they loved to do.  This is what Michael did in his own life, and what I believe he thought possible for all of us to achieve.  With a combination of belief, expectation, gratitude, excitement, encouragement and childlike anticipation, Michael had a way of bringing out the best in Michael Bush and Dennis which was an incredible talent in it's own right.  An ability that every parent could use in raising their children, and every employer could use to motivate their employees.  Every person in every relationship would do well to show faith in the ability of others to be the best they can be.  The commitment and devotion to Michael, that his personality brought out in these two men is what I feel Michael has also brought out in any and all of us who love him.  He has helped us to find ourselves.  This real life evidence of what I have know in my heart for four years has touched me very deeply and if possible, made me love him even more.  He believed in magic, he wanted everyone to see the magic in the world.  I think HE was the magic.

Heal the World For Michael

A few months ago, Ann Cavanaugh mentioned that she thought it would be a wonderful idea if, on June 25, all the people at Holly Terrace could sing Heal the World for Michael.  In other years, people had tried singing but it was not everyone, and many didn't know the words so it sort of fizzled out early.   Siren and I thought it would be a good idea, and we said we would be there to back her up if she decided to organize it.  Ann arranged for the three of us to have a singing lesson with a professional singer.  The main thing I got out of that lesson was to sing loud and don't hold back.

For the next six months, I sang Heal the World at the top of my lungs every time it came on in the shuffle in my car.   I knew the words because in 2009 I had printed them out, and got my husband to make a CD with just that one song on it, and I played it constantly for weeks!  The lyrics, to me, are the key to the Universal Love all in one song.
As it turned out, Ann was not able to be in LA on June 25, so it didn't look like the singing was going to happen.  I was disappointed because I really thought it would be such a great thing to do for Michael.  

I mentioned the idea to other people who I knew would be there on June 25.  At one of the MJ activities I was at, I saw a person who seemed like a great people organizer and I mentioned the idea to her.

June 25 came, and we spent the day at Holly Terrace.  At about 2:20 someone started calling for us all to get into a big circle for our moment of silence for Michael at 2:26   We all complied and there was a huge oblong shape of over 200 people holding hands in a circle.  The the guy called out, where is Brenda Jenkyns?  What????  I stepped forward and he told the crowd that I had suggested for us all to sing Heal the World after our moment of silence.  Yay!!  I went back to my spot with Siren and Moon Dancer and we did our silent prayer.  The the guy said,  Brenda, will you now lead us in singing Heal the World.

Complete silence.
OMG! Luckily I knew the words so well that nothing could make me forget the first line, so I closed my eyes, took a deep breath,  and started singing as loud as I could.  Of course, everyone joined in after the first two words and I continued to sing loud, with my eyes closed and tears running down my face.  It was wonderful.   All of us there, loving Michael, and singing for him,  his own message of Love as a promise to carry on for him.  Since the group was so big, it was hard for us to keep together, but we managed to sing pretty well the whole song and it was fantastic!!!  

Now I can add singing in public to the list of new things that Michael has somehow managed to get me to try, along with speaking in public, drawing, dancing, writing books ....... I don't think there is anything left.  If there is, I'm sure it will appear before me and I will somehow manage to do it, for Him.

One Heart Opened

Another year, another trip to LA is over already.  I can't even begin to tell you how these visits are the highlight of my life.   To be in Michael's places, to walk where he walked and see what he saw is wonderful.  To be with people who think like me, who love Michael like I do, and to be able to be myself and express my devotion without holding back, fills me up with love that sustains me for the rest of the year.  On this trip we experienced many adventures and miracles as we always do.   This is one of them.
This was the fourth time that Forest Lawn Cemetery has been host to the people who love Michael on the 25th of June.   If you have been there on those days you will have seen the way the security guards handle the fans and the overall security that is enforced.  The first year, fans were not able to get close to Holly Terrace, they were not allowed to stop walking as they were shepherded through a line of barricades and were not treated like the grieving loved ones that they were.  Each year since then, the security has lessened, as the administration of Forest Lawn has learned what to expect from the people who visit.  The second year there were no barricades, except at the sidewalk up to the doors of Holly Terrace.  Guards were still there, and kept the visitors off the grass, making sure they were behaving, acting as though we were intruding on their space by being there.  The third year, the security was less conspicuous, quiet and watchful, but not intrusive on our activities and demonstrations of love.  This year they seemed almost friendly, and interacted with the fans, chatting to us as we spent a long day together in the LA sun.  Although closing time is five, we were there at least until six, as were many others, and no one asked us to leave.

The next morning, when we returned, we were happy to see that the barricade was gone already and we were able to go up on the terrace again to Michael's doors.  There is one security guard who has been there all four years.  He was very angry and vocal the first year, and he is the one we were most afraid of.  He acted like he hated every one of us for just being there and seemed to have no compassion at all!  He was the one we had imagined banning us from Forest Lawn forever if he caught us with the butterflies last year.  
We were there, sitting on the terrace when the "mean" security guard came up.   He asked us what we were going to do that day and stayed and talked to us about Michael, telling us how he had listened to all Michael's music when he was younger and remembering Thriller with us etc.  He talked about the fans who come and leave such beautiful gifts and cards for Michael.  We showed him our books and art created for Michael and gave him copies of everything we had.  As all this was happening I was looking at him and seeing a different person than he had been three years ago.  There was no resemblance at all except his physical body.  What happened?  Here was a miracle right before our eyes.  Michael's love, and the love this man has witnessed in this place over the last four years has transformed him into someone else.   I was wondering if his wife and family had seen a change in him. I wondered if he even realized what had happened.  Did he know this transformation came from Michael?   Is he happier and fulfilled in his work and life now?  One of the best things about it is that the people like us, who have seen this change occur have witnessed the effect Michael can have on someone, not just while he was here, but since he has been gone.  There is no end to his influence or his ability to change people's lives.  We all know it, but this security guard at Forest Lawn is a living testament that we have witnessed with our own eyes.   What a beautiful gift that Michael has bestowed on him, and on us.  I will cherish it always.

Beyond Reproach

Many people think that I, (and others), look at Michael as my Jesus. This is uncomfortable, upsetting and blasphemous to some, so I would like to clarify what this means to me.
I do not think Michael IS Jesus.  I do believe that they have the same purpose and the same message of Love.
I think they both lived a human life, and felt and experienced the joy and pain of being human.  This includes making choices and living with the results of those decisions.  
I want to make it clear that I love Michael as much for his humanity as I do for his Divinity.  it is his humanity which allows our hearts to be opened.  It is his humanity which allows us to forgive ourselves and one another.  It is his humanity which gives us hope that we really can make a difference and change the world.  
I do not turn a blind eye to the details of his life, I give him the respect to be himself and make his choices as he saw fit.  I don't know if he could have chosen better.  I don't know what it was like to be him.  I do believe that he always made his decisions unselfishly and for reasons that are so huge, and loving and giving of himself that we can not even begin to understand the meaning of it.  This makes him Beyond Reproach, not because he always chose perfectly in the eyes of the world, but because he always chose out of Love.  The world can not change if we make our decisions out of fear, or expectations, or conformity or status quo.  It is only choosing out of Love that brings light to the world.  It is not Michael that should have done ANYTHING differently in his life.  It is the world that should have been open to receive this beautiful Light, this gift from God, this treasure that was given to us.  It isn't too late, He is still here, and He has not given up on us.  That is why Michael is, not my Jesus, but My Michael.