Beginner's Luck

As someone who was only awakened to the truth of Michael after he was gone from the physical world, I have written about the guilt involved with this and I have come to the conclusion that it must have been meant to be that way.  There must have been some kind of veil hiding the truth from me, because otherwise how could I have missed it?  How could I have been the only one who had never heard Man in the Mirror, or Earth Song?  Or seen any of Michael's short films?  Having come to some sort of peace with this over that last 2 1/2 years, I still have not been able to figure out WHY there had to be this veil.  This week, I have had some insights about the answer to this question.  


It's sort of like the first time someone goes bowling.  They don't know how to bowl, it looks pretty easy, just roll the ball down the floor and hit the pins.  The person knows that they don't know, they have no hangups about the strategy, rules, pitfalls of bowling, so they just throw the ball down and get a strike.  This is known as beginner's luck.  The beginner knows that they don't know, so they just do it.


My theory is that this is what happened with me and Michael (as well as many others, but I am using me as an example).   The lack of knowledge I had about him and the events of his life, and all the judgements and hangups that go along with that, in a way made me an ideal candidate to do the job for him that is mine to do.  I was a clean slate because I hadn't gone through the ups and downs of his life with him, and formed opinions about the things that had happened and the people that were involved.  This was important to the writing of Ever After as a straightforward, innocent childlike book.  I didn't know how to write and publish a book.  I only knew that I wanted to do it, that he wanted me to do it, so I just believed it and I did it.  Each step along the way, I wasn't afraid in the least.  My lack of experience protected me from the fear of making a mistake.  It was the same when I decided to speak about Michael at my church.  Being my first and only public speaking experience, I just did it.  


There are people who were there for Michael while he was here, loving him, supporting him, and learning from him all those years when I was oblivious.  I am still disappointed that I missed out on so much during the 50 years that we were both here together, but I understand that being oblivious was necessary for me to play my part the best way possible.  It was the least I could do for Michael.