Speaking My Truth

On May 8, Mother's day, I had the opportunity to be the speaker at the Sunday Service at my church.  This was a first for me, having never spoken in front of an audience of any kind before.  Interestingly, I was not at all nervous, and it went very well.  My topic was my own life journey, and how I have been affected by Michael Jackson.  Of course, this is a subject I am very passionate about, and I let the people who were there, see the real me.  I opened my heart to them.

Afterward, everyone was very kind, telling me that I had done well.  No one, however, mentioned anything about the message I was trying to convey, the message of Michael's legacy of love.  I was a bit disappointed about this, until I realized that the real purpose of my talk had nothing to do with what others may or may not have gotten from it.  It was about me, and my commitment to Michael.  On the day after my talk, I was overwhelmed with feelings of love.  It seemed as though, having publicly declared my devotion to Michael, I had "chosen" him, just as he had chosen me two years ago, when I had been struck by his love in July of 2009.

I was in a grocery store, on that Monday, May 9 and I kept seeing Michael in front of me.  He was wearing a long white robe, made of a fabric I have never seen before.  It was very white, very soft, and flowing, with wide sleeves.   He was thanking me for having the courage to follow my heart by speaking the day before.  It was not for himself he was thanking me, but for my own growth and becoming more my true self.   He took my hands, and knelt down in front of me, honoring me and saying Namaste.  Something happened to my eyes, and I could not see the products on the shelves of the store, my heart was pounding, and I felt waves of love flowing from my feet up to my head.  My eyes could focus again in a couple of minutes, and I went about my errands in a daze.  All day long, whenever I thought of Michael I could see him in front of me again, bowing, holding my hands, and saying Namaste.   I was very uncomfortable with this, saying "Michael, please stop.  You are the one who has done so much for me.  It is I who should be thanking you, I can't handle all this love!"  I felt him laughing at me, because I so often ask for him to give me a sign that he is here, and whatever sign I get, I always want more.  This time, he was giving me more, and more, and more, filling me up to overflowing.  

Since then, I have noticed a change in myself.  I feel more sure than ever about my love for Michael and my determination to say yes to my heart and do whatever I am here to do, for him and for the world.  I have new self-confidence that I am fine just as I am, and that I am loved, no matter what.   A few days ago, over a month since my talk, I listened to the CD of it for the first time.  I have never liked the sound of my own voice, which is why I avoided listening to it earlier, but I was amazed to find that I LIKED my voice, and I liked what I said.  I am so happy that I did not say no to the opportunity to speak my truth when I felt Michael nudging me to take this leap.  It truly has been another life changing event in my journey with Michael.