For The Children

My youngest child is graduating from High School this month.  Her ceremony, dinner and dance were on Saturday May 30.  Coincidentally, Prince Jackson's graduation celebration was also on this day.
Having a daughter the same age as Prince and Paris, has made me keenly aware of the differences in their lives.  Today, I was thinking about how touching it was to watch her walk across the stage to receive her diploma, and listen to the inspiring speeches.  After months of planning, the dress was ready, hair and nails done, and all too soon, the magical day was over.   I was thinking that it was too bad that Michael wasn't there for Prince's graduation festivities.   Then I realized, if Michael was here, Prince's graduation would not have been anything like my daughters.  He wouldn't have been able to be just a graduate with his dad, one of the crowd.  That would never have been possible.

Then it hit me.  Michael wanted his children to have a regular life.  Without him, they can.  Without him, they are.  His ultimate sacrifice allowed his children to have the freedom that he wanted for them.  Is it too much of a stretch to imagine that he knew this?  In the overall Divine plan, was this part of the reason he left?  Of course, we don't know the details, but somehow, deep inside myself, I really think this is true.

From June 25, 2009 until today, I have never been able to accept that Michael was separated from his children.  It seemed to be the harshest part of the reality of him being gone.   So unfair, so tragic, so terrible!  No parent should ever have to leave their children.  No children should ever have to be apart from their parents.  Having a child the same age, 12, at the time, made my tears flow that much harder.

My own father was not part of my life.  The last time I saw him was when I was eight years old.  He didn't die.  He left.  How sad it is that parents in our society so often don't value the relationship with their children.  Michael loved his so much that he left them, to give them what he never had, a normal childhood.   Today I love Him 1000 times more than yesterday.

Our Song

This morning I was listening to Hold My Hand as I was driving.  Akon has a good voice, it's a beautiful song, but what makes it into an incredibly beautiful song is Michael.  His harmonies, his ad libs, his voice weaving it all together makes my stomach jump and my heart expand.   As I was thinking about how he often sang with other people, sometimes only singing a small part, or background, or chorus, and always seemed to bring the music to life.  As I was thinking about this, I remembered the song he sang with his nephews 3T, I Need You.   I had to laugh when that song came on next on my random selection of over 300 songs.  The song is good, his nephews are fine singers, but my mind had started to wander by the time Michael's part came up.  And then everything stood still as he brought the song to life.  What is really going on here?  I know I love him, but there is no denying the way he adds a whole new dimension to whatever he does.

It reminds me of my life.  It's fine, all is well, and it always has been.  But having Michael in my life, having him be the focus and foundation of all I do, has brought harmony and beauty that I had never known existed until I met him.  He has taken me, an ordinary person with an ordinary life and brought meaning and purpose and Joy and Love beyond all imagining.  He has turned my life into a song with a whole new dimension.  He is always there, sometimes in the background, sometimes taking the lead, sometimes being silent and letting me carry it on my own.  Oh what a song we are creating together.  It's our song.  A work of art.

Michael, thank you for Holding my Hand, I Need You
I love you,
BJ

New Year Prayer

                                        Beloved,

Thank you for another year in which I might love you

Thank you for allowing me to serve Your purpose

Please help me to see myself as You see me

Let me forget myself and live through Your eyes

Seeing all life as divine

That I might grow wings and be with You forever more

I love you 

BJ1/1/15

Message from Above

On Sunday, Siren and I were sitting at MLT (Michael's Love Tree).  It was a beautiful day, temperatures up to 29 degrees celsius.  On Monday it rained, on Tuesday it snowed, and on Wednesday morning the heavy wet snow was causing tree branches to break under the weight, falling on cars and power lines all over the city.  

I knew that our little tree would have no trouble with snow, as it is small and doesn't have many leaves this year, but it is in an area with many other big trees and bushes, so I decided to go make sure MLT was ok.  As I drove up to the park, I could see that trees and branches were down all around the park.  I stopped across the street from MLT and I was shocked to see that the whole landscape had changed.  The huge bushes were flattened to only a fraction of their normal height and tree branches were on the ground.  I could see MLT was leaning a bit more than usual to the left.  I rushed over to the bench that sits in front of the clearing, looking at the mess and wondering what I could do.  

I instantly decided to call Siren to tell her about this.   I was holding the phone to my ear, waiting for her to answer when I heard a huge crack above me.  I knew it was a branch breaking, but there was no time to react, and a split second later it hit me.  I screamed and jumped away, covered in wet snow and ran a few steps away, shaking the snow off.  Then I remembered that Siren was on the phone.  She had no idea it was me, as we almost never talk on the phone.  We usually talk by text, and I hadn't told her I was going to the tree.  It was surreal!   Having been there three days earlier with everything perfectly warm and normal and now branches were falling on my head!   I told her what was happening and then  hung up the phone so that I could take pictures to show her.  I was afraid to go in closer to MLT, in case of more falling branches, but I had to get there somehow so I went around the back way, where there were only bushes until I could see that it was the long limbs from the caragana bush nearby that was pushing on MLT.  I shook the snow off some of the limbs and that helped them to bounce back up a bit so they weren't touching the tree.  I went around the other way to get in closer to where the plaque is located in the ground.  That was when I saw how big the branch was that had hit me!  OMG!  It was huge!  
I was now completely soaking wet, as I only had shoes on and a light sweater and I decided it was time to leave.  

I sat in the car, wondering what had just happened.  What are the chances that a branch would fall just at the moment I was standing there?  Why did I call Siren right at the same moment, even though I almost never call her?   Of course, I don't believe in coincidence, so the only explanation was that Michael dropped the branch on me.  But why would he do that?  I always look forward to signs that He is with me, but I wasn't sure that this was a good sign.  Many times in the past I have told Him, please hit me over the head if I don't understand what you are trying to tell me.  This is the first time it has actually happened.  It was obvious there was something I needed to pay attention to.  

I already knew what it was about.  Earlier that day I had been involved in a discussion online and I had made a comment that had upset someone.   At the time I made the comment, I was a bit upset myself, and although I knew I should wait until I could come from love instead of the need to make a point, I didn't.   I was more interested in being right than in actually helping anyone, and it came across all wrong.  I now realized that Michael was telling me to think about that.

So I did.  I wrote back to the person I had offended, and told her what I had done, and that I was sorry.

Later on in the evening, I noticed I was dizzy, my neck was a bit stiff, my leg had the beginning of a bruise, and I was extremely tired.   I wasn't really worried, but I did remember that concussions can be dangerous.
Luckily, I was still alive this morning and feeling pretty good.  When I saw the huge bruise on my leg, I realized that I should have an even bigger bruise on my head, considering the branch had hit my head before my leg, but my head felt perfectly fine!  That was when I realized that Michael had actually saved me from being seriously injured.  Instead of feeling bad that I had acted in a way that was not up to what I wanted Him to see, I now was extremely grateful that He had saved me from harm!  
The first song I heard in my car, was Man in The Mirror.   Of course, I have heard it a million times, but this morning the words - If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make a change, sounded extra loud and clear.  What I understood then, was that I do have a lot to say that I am very passionate about.  I want to follow Michael's example and live and act from Love.  But if I want to do it right, it should be in a different way than just commenting on someone's post and trying to make a point.   That was when I remembered that I used to write a blog post once a week, and I haven't written anything at all for months.  I decided to write about this incident of the falling branch, and hopefully I will have more to say in the future.
Thank you Michael, for this extremely beautiful gift.  You never fail to show me what I need to see, in the most perfect way.  

55

55

The time you have been gone

The time I have been Loving You

The age you should be

The age that I am

One month for each year I have been here

It must be a time

To renew my promise

Made 55 months ago

To Love you forever

To share your Love with the world

To do my part

To always say Yes to my heart

To follow where you lead

Knowing you love me more

Than I even know I am worth

For Eleven months of each year of my life

I was asleep

I will always regret this fact

But that last 12^th of my life

Which I have shared with You

Has given me more Joy

Than I knew existed in the Universe

Your sacrifice was not in vain

I take this time today

To tell you once again

For the 55 millionth time

I Love you Michael

I am yours

How may I serve You today

Tomorrow

Forever

Jan25/14  BJ

Unseen Change

Today in line at the grocery store I was ahead of a woman who was wearing an oxygen tube attached to a small bag that she was carrying.  As she waited behind me, she leaned on the grocery counter, seemingly exhausted from her shopping.  I noticed the strong smell of cigarette smoke wafting my way.  It was not the smell of a lit cigarette, but of clothing which had been steeped in smoke over a long period of time.  As I was gathering my purchases together I heard her ask the cashier for two cartons of cigarettes.  Being a person who smoked in my 20's but was able to quite when I decided I didn't want to do it anymore, I have a strong opinion about smoking.  Everyone knows it's dangerous, smelly, expensive, addictive and inconvenient.  I have been very judgemental about those who still choose to smoke, after all, shouldn't we all know better by now?  This lady was obviously suffering from lack of oxygen and who know what other health issues because of smoking.  Turning to leave, instead of the usual judgement I was expecting to feel,  I was flooded by love for this person.  As I walked out the door, I was fighting back tears of compassion.  How sad for her to be suffering from such an addiction that even the loss of her ability to breathe easily could not overcome her need to smoke.  How awful that must be for her.  And what had happened to me??  After all these years, how could my point of view have changed so dramatically without me even being aware of it?  
I sat in my car considering the possibilities.  It had to be Michael of course.  He is the one who has changed me from the inside out.  I have not even been trying to let go of my judgements, after all, some things are just wrong, rude, or bad.  There are consequences to actions, this is how we learn.  Michael would agree with that wouldn't he?   Still, I had to admit that it felt better to love this woman rather than criticize her poor decisions which I had no knowledge of anyway.  Has His love seeped into me enough that I can feel such compassion naturally in a situation where judgement seems justified?   
Is this what He means when he says Love is the Answer?  If we all loved one another, would people not need to smoke anymore?  Would we naturally rise to be our best selves?  I have no idea HOW it could work that way, but I have a feeling that it does.  Thank you Michael, for this wonderful gift today.

A Child's Heart

"What we need to learn from children isn't childish.  Being with them connects us to the deep wisdom of life, which is everpresent and only asks to be lived.  Now, when the world is so confused and its problems so complicated, I feel we need our children more than ever.  Their natural wisdom points the way to solutions that lie, waiting to be recognized, within our own hearts."

Michael wrote these beautiful words in his book, Dancing the Dream in 1992.  Could they BE more true than they are today?  We know this quote, we know that Michael loved children. but do we really believe that he meant it when he said they have the solutions to the world's problems?  I think he really did mean it, and I have come to realize that we, as adults, do not give credit to the wisdom of children.  We think they are cute, we think they need our guidance, we think we know so much more than they do.  These things are true in many ways, but maybe not in ways that matter as much as we think they do.  

Michael also said, 

In their innocence, very young children know themselves to be light and love. If we will allow them, they can teach us to see ourselves the same way. This week, I have been shown that maybe it is the children who are going to heal the planet and our hearts and teach us to choose love.   Just because children are younger than us, smaller than us, less educated than us, does NOT mean that they are less wise, less evolved, less intuitive, less knowing, less capable of great insight.   Michael knew the truth of this, he told us in many ways, songs, speeches, and by his actions.     The magic, the wonder, the mystery and the innocence of a child's heart are the seeds of creativity that will heal the world. I really believe that."           Michael, my beautiful Love, Jackson My money is on Michael, and the children.